Here's some feedback I would give.
In an overall sense this is a pretty good mix everything fit together pretty well.
In terms of things to work on the first thing I've noticed is that the song clips quite badly. This is what soundcloud rappers do all the time making their songs clip when it really doesn't need to making the mix come out very loud for heaphone users. Clipping is where you push a speaker beyond it's absolute limit when you do this it causes a speaker to distort making it very unpleasent to listen to and very loud I'm sure you don't want to make anyone deaf in the ears.

How you can stop a mix clipping is by turning it down either on the master (which is the fader that controls the volume for everything on a digital audio work station all at once) or finding the instrument that's the loudest and turning that down. You can also control this by eq or compression.

But apart from that this is a pretty good attempt at making metal.